They say you can’t fix stupid. Turns out you can’t quarantine it, either!

Turns out my top 3 hobbies are: eating at restaurants, going to nonessential businesses, touching my face.

Going to ask my Mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.

Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use!

So can we expect car insurance to go down since nobody can go anywhere? Just wondering Jake from State Farm...

People keep asking “is coronavirus really that serious?” Listen up! Casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious!

Now that teachers finally have a chance to use the restroom, there’s no toilet paper.

It’s like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded!

Well Groovy Guys and Groovy Gals of the '70s…our grandkids just knocked our Blizzard of '78 stories out of the ballpark!

Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little [censored]!!!

The longer this goes on the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.

Cops these days will be like…come out with your hands washed!

Day 31 of quarantine…ate all the snacks and food…clothes no longer fit… but I’m still wearing gloves and mask for my protection.

I’m as bored as an Amish electrician!

Homeschooling Update: My child just said I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year!

Never in my whole life would I imagine my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth!

And just like that…having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK.

Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but staying home on the couch can do for your country.

50 million children being homeschooled by gun owning parents and not one single school mass shooting. Arming teachers works!!!

Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid coronavirus outbreak.

Ladies…time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.

I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.

I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!

Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!

With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship…It’s on Paperview.

Everyone is posting memes and talking about coming out of this quarantine with a new skill or side hustle. I’m just sitting here wondering how I never noticed there’s a turd in Saturday.

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past 21 days!

Sitting at the bar in the kitchen at night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number. WTH…

It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for fifteen years.

Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.

Good, very good

Baptist Delighted, they can now wear a mask at the liquor store....

Jim knocked it out of the park.


Thanks Jim

That is greatness thank you

Good ones...good read....