Extremely close to something that happened to me in Fort Davis. I'm taking a shower and this lady gives "I'm being murdered and on fire!!!!" scream. I stick my head around the corner ready to kill whatever is making her scream with a tiny bar of soap and she's losing her mind over a centipede on the wall. It's a big centipede, but it's still just a bug on the wall.

I can't contain the rant. I'm sorry. I have to go off somewhere.

A grown woman having a complete meltdown because she THINKS that there might be a mouse in the house.
These people breed.
These people vote.
These people think that it's perfectly acceptable to teach children to have a complete and utter meltdown.

"Okay so I've been debating whether to post this because I'm convinced people will think I'm an incapable human being at life and adulthood but I've figured they're right and I may as well.

Today I saw a mouse in my sons room.

A mouse.

Stewart Little has decided to come in my house and set up camp near my sons drawers. (Not his pants American people, his clothes drawer thing) I saw it and I froze

And it was the kinda freeze that you feel like you shouldn't even breathe. Where your air escapes your lungs.

I'm trying to find my pulse again when my daughter decided to strut into the room with her toddler swag and I screamed no! And it wasn't just any no. It was the loudest noooooooooooooooooooooo I've ever made in my life.

So I shut the door and I leave little Jerry (Tom's mate) to his own devices.

I decided to call my husband because there's a mouse in the house, and when there is a mouse in the house other than blow torching the house down there isn't much in the way of rational thinking.

He answers the phone and I say "mouse" I stutter because I'm terrified. This is no Mickey Mouse okay. This is ratatouille but smaller and he isn't making some delicious soup, he's gonna spray out pebble poo and make babies everywhere and in my sons ears and they'll crawl in my mouth... mouse in my mouth!!!
'Huh?' He says

'Mouse in house' I say still shaken
'Cat in hat' he replies.

'No babe, there's a mouse in Luca's room! You need to come home NOW and take it outside!'
'Oh Bub you just take it outside, or just kill it'
'Kill it???'

Obviously this guy hasn't seen the movie 'Witches' where the witch turns into a mouse after eating soup and gets stomped on by the chef and green pus sprays out.

'There are children in the house, your children. You need to come here. I can't save them'

He laughs. He thinks I'm joking.

This face isn't joking. This face is scared that this mouse is going to radio the rescuers and call his other mice friends to come and have a pebble poo party orgy. NOT ON MY WATCH MOUSE. Not on my watch.

But of course he can't see my face because he's on the phone.

'Okay I'm being serious there's a mouse in the house and I'm FREAKING OUT' I actually did swear but I'll try and be cool in the post. Pretty sure I called the mouse the C word.

'Where is it?' He asks
'In Luca's room'
'Where?'
'I dunno I'll open the door'

I open the door so slowly...inch by inch in snail speed, so slow that I can hear my husband asking if I'm still there. Lol

And it's there. In the same spot.

'It's dead!!!!!' I shut the door.
Oh my lord the mouse is dead. I have a DEAD mouse in my house. I start to cry a little bit
'It's dead... it never had a chance to live its life'
'Babe just go scoop it up with a piece of paper and put it in the bin. I have to go to a meeting'

So I hung up on him. Because obviously I'm alone in this. I'm alone and I need to be the brave one... so I take a couple of swigs of whiskey and say 'okay Laura, today is the day you will fight your biggest fear in life and remove a dead mouse from your house'

I said this about 10 times in the mirror before and slapped myself a few times before I bolted down the door and went charging in like a knight in shining armour with a piece of paper screaming like the warrior woman I am and charge up onto this dead mouse in my house and I realise ...

I realise it's not a mouse.

No, not a mouse at all...

It's a tiny leopard...

A tiny toy leopard.

I nod to myself and say 'we shall never tell a soul about this'

My husband got home 4 hours later and asked me how I went....'I handled that [censored]'"

I am not the person who was petrified by the mouse. I am the person who will pick up a live mouse and flush it or dispatch it. I got teased for carrying a live mouse out of the house a couple days ago bare handed when I found the cat messing with it. Not afraid of a mouse, snake, spider, etc.... although if there is a spider on me, it will die.

I cut and pasted the story out of absolute frustration of the helplessness in our society of "OMG THERE'S A MOUSE!!! Time to lose my f-ing mind!!!!"

Really? REALLY???? Somebody old enough to have children loses their mind over a mouse???

I swear I couldn't have had better timing.

Just got off the phone with an old friend Adrienne. She called me because there's a baby skunk in her back yard and she wants me to come deal with it.

You have two options. Either you kill it or you call the city and have them deal with it (kill it) but I guarantee you if it's a baby, mama isn't that far behind.

But I don't wanna kill it! How can I discourage it!

It's a skunk. It's vermin. Keep the yard mowed and don't leave out trash.

*excuses excuses excuses* Hey! Can I borrow your dog? She can [censored] and that will keep critters out of my yard!

Huyana discourages critters by killing them. Not peeing. If you borrow my dog, she's going to kill the skunk then you get to wash her until she doesn't stink any more.

But it's a baby!!! I don't wanna kill it!

Then call the city but I can't help you.

Just a thought here, but I'd bet we could get a pretty good OT coalition together to come urinate on your friends yard...

Shortly after we moved into this house, i was sitting in the living room and i see a mouse come in under the door to the garage and scurry into the adjacent bathroom. So me, liking to erradicate vermin with high powered bb guns, get my crossman pump and prepare it to fire at high velocity. I spot the little booger resting behind a decorative basket next to the sink and very slowly push the barrel right up next to it. Upon firing it then became necessary to thoroughly scrub the floor and walls of the debris. It was spectacular

Somehow I still don't think that would discourage skunks. But it might discourage her from calling me every time something happens so you may be on to something.

Why is it acceptable to be helpless? How in god's green earth do we think that it's "cute" to be paralyzed with fear and terror? Does anyone really think it is adorable and feminine to have to call you in absolute terror to deal with the big bad mouse? Or snake, or cockroach or spider or god knows what else. "Oh my god! Help me! Save me! I'm not a fully functioning human being!"

Just a thought here, but I'd bet we could get a pretty good OT coalition together to come urinate on your friends yard...

not trying to be political but, these same people are perfectly fine with abortion and will fight you to the death over it.


Well said Hop


some aspects of life make less sense than trying to give derek a budweiser.