My dad is my best friend, unfortunately he has terminal pancreatic cancer but other than no hair he is as healthy as any 64 year old man. He lives about 45 minutes north of my wife and I, but is at our house 3-5 days a week. He's single and we are his closest family and I take him to every appointment.

Lately thebwife and I have been thinking about buying a new house and having him move in with us. We are wanting a house with 2 master bedrooms so he can have a comfortable room. I don't know that I'm ready for this, mentally. I don't know that I'm going to want this new house after he passes. I need some help in this area from somebody that has gone through this.

Thx

definitely a tough one.

Went through this with the mil a couple of years ago-
Gotta get off now but I will chime in later on when things slow down here-
So sorry about your dad-
I will say now though yes it will be tough on both you and the wife and yes I don't think you will regrhet it-
Very honorable imo-

My Dad had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He spent a lot of time in the hospital towards the end. Can you get him an apartment or a small rental near you? That way he's still near, but you're not making such a long commitment on a new house.

I forgot to add, get a rental that has room for you to stay there with him if you need to stay some overnights.

First I'm sorry to hear about your family's struggles.

Why do you need a bigger home? He's already there 3-5 days a week, meaning I believe he has his own personal space. The rest of the space should be spent together.

I say this because I cannot express what my dad is to me and I hope I never have this desicion.

Good luck my friend and best wishes

I've lost all of my family tree above me, so I've dealt with this. I like the above idea the most. Make it a place you can be comfortable in together, but keep your home. After his eventual passing, you can allow time to resettle on what you want long-term, THEN buy another home if you want it.

I agree to the concerns you may not see joy in a house you essentially buy for the purpose of his passing. I would say don't do that; there are many other solutions that honor him and offer your companionship without the major commitment to a new home that you may not want after his passing.

Good luck Wade and I hope those that have experienced this can shine some light on this situation for you. We will keep praying for you guys and keep your chin up bud. Let me know if you need anything.

When my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2008 we moved her down from New York kicking and screaming that she wanted to die in her home of 35 years.

She wanted to consider an assisted living facility but the $$$ wasn't there.

So we moved her in with us - we had a 4 BR 3 bath house where there was one bedroom with its own toilet and shower on the kitchen side of the house - that was Mom's room until January of 2001 when she passed.

Now we have my wife's Mother living with us since a year ago October when her husband passed. The two of them butt heads every now and again and I want to shoot her (the MIL) every time she holds out her cell phone and says "this hasn't worked in weeks" but for the most part we get along fine.

Your Dad is terminal - move him into your house and cherish every moment you have left with him; you'll not regret it.

He won't go for a rental. He owns his house and only pays tax/insurance.

I know why he goes home and that's because he is comfortable there. He has his bed, his recliner, and his personal space. I vaguely mentioned this on Monday and he said he could sell his house and use that money for a down payment towards our house, which wasn't our intention, but I know he wouldn't have it any other way.

As someone who didn't get to spend enough time with dying parents I say go for it. Maximize your time together. Don't regret not having spent more time with him when you could.

This!

We promised dad he could finish out his life at home. He passed peacefully on Father's Day 2002 from Pancreatic cancer. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

I think things were better when 3 or 4 generations lived together. You didn't put old people in a home. You took care of them the same way they took care of you when you were younger. People had to learn to get along when more people lived together. The last 100 years have really changed the core family structure.

I say move your dad in BigPig. I don't think you will regret it ... even after he passes.

He's telling you what he wants to do. Don't make him have to tell you that again

When a person faces their own mortality, they see things in a clearer light