1. Gambling for Pigeons

The National Institute of Health (NIH) granted $465,339 to researchers at Reed College in Portland, Oregon to “create a token-based economy where pigeons are taught to gamble with slot machines.”

The study gave pigeons tokens that they can “earn, accumulate, spend, or gamble” on slot machines, the New York Post reports.



2. Chimps Throwing Feces

The US National Institutes of Health spent $592,527 at Emory University in Atlanta to explore why chimpanzees throw feces. Another $117,000 was necessary to conclude that most chimps are right-handed, the Washington Examiner reports.

Their research suggests that throwing feces is a sign of intelligence in chimps.



3. Drunken Finches

The National Institutes of Health gave $5 million to the Oregon Health & Science University to study if finches slurred their songs when alcohol was in their systems.

The birds were given white grape juice spiked with alcohol, which impacted their singing ability, NBC News reports.



4. Bees on Cocaine

The National Institutes of Health funded over $240,000 to study the impact of cocaine on honey bees at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

With cocaine in their system, the bees were more likely to dance, the researcher found.



5. Shrimp on Treadmills

The National Science Foundation (NSF) funded $1.3 million to make shrimp run on tiny treadmills at the College of Charleston in South Carolina.

The study tested how sickness impaired shrimp mobility.



6. $500k Study if Selfies Make you Happy

A University of California, Irvine-based research team received $500,000 in federal funding to study if taking selfies makes people happy.

The 4-week study found that taking selfies boosted participants’ moods.



7. Secret Language of French Butchers

The National Endowment for the Humanities funded $30,000 for a study at the University of Connecticut to research “a secret, highly endangered language spoken by Parisian butchers,” the New York Times reports.



8. Bee Sting Pain

The National Science Foundation funded $1 million to a researcher at Cornell University to rank how much it hurt to be stung by honey bees on different parts of his body, Real Clear Policy reports.

Spoiler alert, it’s the nostrils, upper lip, and genitals. The researcher endured roughly 200 bee stings.



9. Sexy Goldfish

The National Science Foundation awarded $3.6 million to a study at Bowdoin College in Maine, where a portion of this funding went to experiments on what makes goldfish feel sexy.

Researchers discovered that when given sex steroids, male goldfish exhibited more social behavior and swam closer to their female counterparts, the Daily Signal reports.



10. AI Toilets

The National Cancer Institute funded nearly $7 million to researchers at Stanford University to build an AI toilet, Real Clear Policy reports.

The toilet is equipped with cameras that scans the user’s waste and unique “analprint.” DOGE is not an official government agency and is expected to conclude its work by July 4, 2026. As of November 2024, the United States national debt is $35.97 trillion.

Cancel all funding and make them prove worthiness. My guess is the vast majority, 85% or more are useless.

I’m going out on a limb and say the VA isn’t the target..

Maybe your trying to be funny
She works on soil and water conservation

I just need to the research done on #4

They need to research why my wife talks during the weather report on TV then asks me what the weather will be tomorrow

Why would scientific research be a target; it’s such a small 2% of government spending.

If the goal is to trim government fat; start where the most government money is spent (Medicare, Social Security, and Defense)….thats where the most inefficiencies will be; the government is wasteful to just about the same degree in all its departments. Specifically targeting research seems like typical inefficient politics…part of the problem…it makes nice headlines and makes emotionally politicized people happy; but it lacks real substance and is short sighted….typical swamp thinking.

This is how politicians get rich, they funnel money to themselves.