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Dec 30th, 2023
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Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: 1ShotNoKills] #14934106 12/21/23 01:04 PM
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grout-scout Online Sleepy
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Originally Posted by 1ShotNoKills
Originally Posted by Jpurdue


I don't think it's intentional false advertising. Early on in a new relationship the woman really does have a higher drive. The phenomenon is called limerance. Whether she likes it or not though, internal wiring for women tappers libido down over time. As I mentioned after 24 months, they may have no spontaneous desire at all. This is particularly true after kids. The really strange thing is that the same woman with zero spontaneous desire for her husband could have enormous desire for another man. Limerance restarts her drive. How many times have you seen this with recently divorced women who wouldn't touch their husbands but after the divorce wind up jumping on every cowboy they can find. Once she starts another long-term relationship again though the clock starts and she's got 24 months before shes back in the low drive state again.

Anyway, a better approach in my mind is to be aware the phenomena exists and to put in the work necessary to keep your marriage as healthy as possible. How do you do that?

1. Get your butt to the gym and stay in shape. Keep your hygiene up to.
2. Get out of the house. A little absence makes the heart grow fonder.
3. Set a solid positive tone in your marriage. Be a leader, and don't be a Eyore who says no to everything.
4. Be interesting. Have some fun hobbies. Be the man your wife proudly points out at a party and says that guy, he's my husband. Nobody wants to be married to an uninteresting couch potato.
5. Get your wife away from the dang kids from time to time. Date nights/vacations etc...
6. Don't watch too much porn.
7. Don't let your wife get bored.





Have you tried rereading and applying this?




Savage response. Sorry to read your situation Jpurdue, but maybe you should stop acting like you are the smartest person in the world. I mean, you might be the smartest person in the world, but women want to act like they are the smartest people in the world. Thats my marriage advice to you, when it comes to women “you’re always wrong and they are always right”. Live by that motto and things will be easier in the dating dept.

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934299 12/21/23 04:30 PM
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I just say, yes, ma'am all the time as I am going out side or hooking up the boat going fishing. The problem with going fishing is if I do not hurry up and leave, the wife is throwing all her stuff in the boat and jumping in the truck with me.


2020 Nitro Z20, Mercury 250xp 4 stroke
"Sometimes I have to remind myself that it is called Fishing and not catching"
Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934516 12/21/23 07:58 PM
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Thanks to all those who offered some kind words. It's been a super tough time for me. I wish I had a good explanation for why this has happened. The first 8 years of the marriage were fantastic. 2020 was the start of some tough times. We had a rough year. Things got better. She had a hysterectomy and an ovary removed in March of this year. She never seemed the same after that. she didn't want to go on dates. Didn't want to go on family vacations. She withdrew. Seemed to me like perhaps some depression set in for her. Even so, I thought things were going okay. We had some minor issues but were actively talking them through. Then one day in September, she gave me a big hug and a kiss, told me she loved me and that she needed to run to HEB to grab some stuff for dinner. A few minutes later the doorbell rang, and I was served papers. Never in my wildest dreams imagined it would happen. The only explanation I ever really got was that she didn't think our personalities were a good match. I tried like heck to save it, she waffled a bunch in the beginning, but would never budge from her decision. An army of people prayed for me and my family. The lawyer she hired has made the whole thing astronomically expensive. I'll be lucky to escape this under 6 figures. Somehow, we've managed to remain remarkably cordial. I invite her over once a week for a family dinner. She invites me over once a week. We sit next to each other at the kids' events. Tough. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. At this point I'm just conducting myself as honorably as I can and doing what is best for my kids.


"Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley." -A.L.

www.LunkerLore.com

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Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934529 12/21/23 08:10 PM
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Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: grout-scout] #14934547 12/21/23 08:33 PM
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Originally Posted by grout-scout
Originally Posted by 1ShotNoKills
Originally Posted by Jpurdue


I don't think it's intentional false advertising. Early on in a new relationship the woman really does have a higher drive. The phenomenon is called limerance. Whether she likes it or not though, internal wiring for women tappers libido down over time. As I mentioned after 24 months, they may have no spontaneous desire at all. This is particularly true after kids. The really strange thing is that the same woman with zero spontaneous desire for her husband could have enormous desire for another man. Limerance restarts her drive. How many times have you seen this with recently divorced women who wouldn't touch their husbands but after the divorce wind up jumping on every cowboy they can find. Once she starts another long-term relationship again though the clock starts and she's got 24 months before shes back in the low drive state again.

Anyway, a better approach in my mind is to be aware the phenomena exists and to put in the work necessary to keep your marriage as healthy as possible. How do you do that?

1. Get your butt to the gym and stay in shape. Keep your hygiene up to.
2. Get out of the house. A little absence makes the heart grow fonder.
3. Set a solid positive tone in your marriage. Be a leader, and don't be a Eyore who says no to everything.
4. Be interesting. Have some fun hobbies. Be the man your wife proudly points out at a party and says that guy, he's my husband. Nobody wants to be married to an uninteresting couch potato.
5. Get your wife away from the dang kids from time to time. Date nights/vacations etc...
6. Don't watch too much porn.
7. Don't let your wife get bored.





Have you tried rereading and applying this?




Savage response. Sorry to read your situation Jpurdue, but maybe you should stop acting like you are the smartest person in the world. I mean, you might be the smartest person in the world, but women want to act like they are the smartest people in the world. Thats my marriage advice to you, when it comes to women “you’re always wrong and they are always right”. Live by that motto and things will be easier in the dating dept.

I would add your not the smartest person in the world and your ignorance and arrogance show in all of your post and most of of all this one. 1000's of couples have been getting divorced way before you. Take a look in the mirror, get over yourself and accept the fact she doesnt want to be with you anymore. Move on, alot of life to live!

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934548 12/21/23 08:33 PM
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I would say about an 7. Still retired and finances are still good that's a solid 10. Don't foresee having to go back to work. I just started getting S.S. several months ago so that helps the monthly bills. Have not fished as much this year so that part is about a 5. Immediate family is in pretty good health so that's a 9.5.

My wife's parents (94 and 90) are not doing very well. Mother In-law has Alzheimer's pretty bad, and Father In-law still wants to care for her at home which is becoming increasingly hard for him to do. We have had several opportunities to put her in a memory care facility, but he has his mind set on one facility they can go to together and that one has a long waiting list. My wife goes up (Wisconsin) quite often and it breaks her heart she cannot help them. This is rated a 2.

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: Jpurdue] #14934577 12/21/23 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Jpurdue
Thanks to all those who offered some kind words. It's been a super tough time for me. I wish I had a good explanation for why this has happened. The first 8 years of the marriage were fantastic. 2020 was the start of some tough times. We had a rough year. Things got better. She had a hysterectomy and an ovary removed in March of this year. She never seemed the same after that. she didn't want to go on dates. Didn't want to go on family vacations. She withdrew. Seemed to me like perhaps some depression set in for her. Even so, I thought things were going okay. We had some minor issues but were actively talking them through. Then one day in September, she gave me a big hug and a kiss, told me she loved me and that she needed to run to HEB to grab some stuff for dinner. A few minutes later the doorbell rang, and I was served papers. Never in my wildest dreams imagined it would happen. The only explanation I ever really got was that she didn't think our personalities were a good match. I tried like heck to save it, she waffled a bunch in the beginning, but would never budge from her decision. An army of people prayed for me and my family. The lawyer she hired has made the whole thing astronomically expensive. I'll be lucky to escape this under 6 figures. Somehow, we've managed to remain remarkably cordial. I invite her over once a week for a family dinner. She invites me over once a week. We sit next to each other at the kids' events. Tough. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. At this point I'm just conducting myself as honorably as I can and doing what is best for my kids.

I have a good friend that is going through the same turmoil as you right now, similar situation the main difference is the that both of his boys are of legal age yet they still still live at home. His soon to be ex-wife is seriously batshit crazy, like certifiable. She managed to ambush him much like your situation but she actually had him removed from the home under the pretense that she didn't feel safe. I have know my friend since H.S. 20+ years, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He is now living for the time being with my brother out here on our ranch in our old house with both his boys. It's pretty messed up. I ended up hiring him a real divorce attorney as the person he was using wasn't worth a damn, I'm not real certain how he passed the bar. What I can tell you from the outside looking in is that it get's easier. A fair and equitable ruling is anything but, the courts will typically side with the woman/mother unless you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you as the Father are more capable of providing a stable home life. I'm certain you are already aware of this fact though. The biggest thing I could tell you is that if you have a way to hide any assets get it done ASAP, Now is the time to get as cash poor as possible a sharp money man that lives in the gray is your best friend. Good luck and godspeed.

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934626 12/21/23 09:50 PM
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LOL at Smurfs! I hate to kick the man when he is down, but this is exactly what I thought of when I read what you wrote. roflmao You’ll be ok Jpurdue, you’re still young enough to get past this.





Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934630 12/21/23 09:59 PM
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Guess I might as well participate in the thread, not that anyone really cares. Have a great wife and I’m blessed that she makes way more $ than me, my kids a psycho 15 yo girl and can’t wait for the day she moves out. (Kidding a bit, but not completely). Health is about as good as it will ever be, wish I made more money, wish our lakes would get some water, wish our country wasn’t spiraling the toilet and life would be great. All in all 2023 sucked mentally, but in reality life is going pretty good.

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: grout-scout] #14934670 12/21/23 11:09 PM
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Originally Posted by grout-scout
LOL at Smurfs! I hate to kick the man when he is down, but this is exactly what I thought of when I read what you wrote. roflmao You’ll be ok Jpurdue, you’re still young enough to get past this.






Kicking a man while he is in this boat is a violation of man code. Hell I'd buy him a beer.

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934694 12/21/23 11:42 PM
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I didn’t read the whole thread, did anyone buy fake boobies and then they ran off on them this year? That would be aggravating.

Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934707 12/22/23 12:00 AM
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Well it has been a good year because myself and my wife are still here after 76 years. I had an ablation in November 2022 and it made my health in 2023 the very best in 15 years. My wife is still recovering from her stroke in 2017 and she made some great strides this year. Her depression is gone and she is once again forward to life. Oldest Grandson got out of the Army reserves after 2 years in the 1-64 Artillery. Two Granddaughters graduated college and one moved to Little Rock and got a position at a Federal Credit Union. The other moved to Austin and now teaches 3rd grade. My Son’s daughter gave us a new Great Granddaughter and his son is a Junior at Kennedale High School. He is on the varsity football and basketball teams.
I just hope our country gets turned around and our family has a great 2024.

Last edited by machinist; 12/22/23 12:42 AM.

I fish on the edge and stay out of the middle

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Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14934961 12/22/23 12:40 PM
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It was good until last week when I found out my DIL's cancer returned in an aggressive form. She was doing good after a stem cell transplant but now they are headed to Houston. To make it worse I got home from hunting this week and my dog's hips have taken a turn for the worse.


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Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: Stump jumper] #14934964 12/22/23 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Stump jumper
It was good until last week when I found out my DIL's cancer returned in an aggressive form. She was doing good after a stem cell transplant but now they are headed to Houston. To make it worse I got home from hunting this week and my dog's hips have taken a turn for the worse.


That’s rough news to hear anytime, but especially at Christmas-
I pray Houston is successful-
Sorry about your buddy’s hip also-


What has happed to you does not define who you are-

HOW you react to what happens to you DOES!
Re: Rate your 2023 [Re: T Bird] #14935001 12/22/23 01:34 PM
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a lot to be thankful for.. another 10 year... almost rated it 9 as the fishing has sucked so bad this week


A good rule of angling philosophy is not to interfere with another fisherman's ways of being happy, unless you want to be hated.
Zane Grey, Tales of Fishes, 1919

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