Quotes your daddy say’ed that stuck in your hey’ed

“We gotta meet our maker someday son”

“Life sucks then you’re gone”

“Beer and life are just the same, you can just P I S S it all away”

“Don’t get momma mad, I should know”

“I’m sorry, what did you say”
“Hey stupid, come here”
“I knew I should have used protection “
“We musta dropped you more then I remember”

Boy, there's more hair on that squirrel than before you skint him.

“I don’t drink water fish **** in it”

One buzzard puked and another ****....and that's how you were born.

“Never, ever, ever discuss your problems with other people because 85% of them don’t give a chit, and the other 15% are really glad to hear you have them.”

Wouldn't take a million dollars for you,nor give a dime for a dozen just like you.

Daddy called WD-40 ... panther pisss ... never asked him why

After he observed me for years helping him with carpentry, concrete, roofing, mechanic work,
He told me. “ son you had better get an education, you are never going to make a living with your hands.”

Best advice he ever gave me.

Mo

I’m still waiting to hear from mine.

No matter what the injury, or number of stitches, he would say, "I've had worse cuts on my eyeball".

When I was in a funk and sad he'd say "You're going to trip on that lower lip".

S in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up faster.

Wouldn't take a million dollars for you,nor give a dime for a dozen just like you.

If you're going to dance you got to pay the fiddler.

You can hear anything from money jingling to meat frying, But that don't mean your gonna get paid or get to eat.

Don't believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

Son, nothing good happens after 11:00 pm and that is when I want you home and in the bed.

Boy, quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.

Boy,you're like a pet raccoon,what you dont tear you chit on
Boy you could tear up an anvil with a rubber mallet

You'd bitch if they hung you with a new rope

If it'd been a snake it'd bit you

Why don't you just jump up there and [censored] on it now

You could [censored] up an anvil

The rest is too ugly for public consumption ...firemen are filthy racists

Hogs like slop.

That boy can talk white outta rice.

Greatness !!!

All I wanna hear outta you boy is Yes Sir and No Sir and damned few No Sirs!

That there is piss poor planning son!

If you're fifteen minutes early, you're late!

If it’s a good decision, it will still be in the morning

Boy, you're like a bull in a China shop.

If I say jump, you say how high!
Also heard plenty of times to put his tools back where i found them

What the F did you do this time.

There is no way that you sprang from my loins.

Dam* kids get into everything.
Pis* poor planning leads to pis* poor results
Making memories!
You need to learn to set a hook.
She is off by a cun_ hair, never eye ball it.

Yeah, you got a headache. A head that looks that ugly ought to ache.

The world needs ditch diggers, too.

When we were fishing together and he was catching and I wasn't. Boy, you ain't holding your mouth right.

Come on bones.....talking to the crappie so they'd bite!

Don't get me lying to ya!

If you needed a hat to cover your brain, a thimble would slide down over your ears boy.

You could f-up a chitsandwich.

Don't quit a job before you have another one. Never discipline children in front of other people. Go ahead and take it apart - I'll help you put it back together if necessary.

Don’t underestimate the farmer with only one gun for he probably knows how to use it.

Crazier than a striped road lizard.

It doesn’t hurt that bad. - anytime he was hitting grounders at me and I caught one with my body.
Have fun and be safe.
It’s cheaper to keep her.
It’s better to cheat than repeat.
Every time you get in trouble, I get in trouble. Let’s try to minimize that.

you want some spending money, get a job.

the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do

Always do the right thing, even whe no one is watching

Its better to be 10 minutes early than 1 minute late

Boy your about as f***** up as a football bat

When was looking for something i couldnt find:
If it was up your azz kicking footballs youd know wher its at

You could f up an anvil with a rubber hammer

Daddy was gone !

Ain’t nothing happening worth a chit after 11:30 so be home by 12

When eating my grandpa would say “it ain’t great but it will build a turd”

A few others
I’m hungry as a hostage.
I’m so hungry my stomach is rubbing a blister on my back bone.
Don’t sweat the petty things. Pet the sweaty things.

Honesty is the best policy

When I got hurt, he would say, "I've had worse on my eyeball"

Did you hit your head getting out of bed this morning?

“If I tell you a piss ant can pull a freight train you better start looking for a harness”

" if I wanted any cr*p from you I will squeeze your head "

" is that your best effort " --- even if I did something good , he would say that

" do it right the first time , or you get to do it all over again "

My Dad died when I was young and most of the things I remember would get censored here as that was just how he expressed himself. Mom never even said “Darn”. Makes me often wonder how they got together! lol

So hungry my a..hole has cob webs.
Put your brain in a thimble it would look like a bb in a boxcar.
You do that again, i"ll jerk a knot in your a..!
If bullsh?? was music you would sound like a brass band.
Sass me and will hit you so hard your momma will feel it.
If a chicken had your brain she would lay square eggs.
Useless as a woodpecker with rubber lips.
I helped bring you into this world and i can damn sure take you out.
Boy your so slow if you were running and shi??ing you would leave a pile

“Buy you books and all you do is eat the covers”
“Faster then a stripped a$$ ape”
“Cant see it from my house”

I laughed so hard at some of these I nearly w.t myself. And now many of us on the Forum find ourselves as Dads and Granddads! so I guess bite our tongues but probably wont! lol

“Well I’ll be go to hell”. Every time he stomped on the gas he would say he put the “Chevy to the levee”. Obviously his interpretation of the line in Don Mcleans American Pie. Miss the hell outa that man. Died at 48 .

Hold the flashlight still.

Does that look like a 9/16 wrench?

Which one of you did that?

That’s the way the mop flops
I will clean your plow
I told him I was going to whip my sister a$$...son you better bring a sack lunch. She was a little wide.

You are not a man until you jump out of an airplane, you are not a man until you whip your dad

Bobby, if you weren't my son I'd hug you.

- two hands while learnin’
- you can stay but the noise has gotta go
- that food was almost edible

He never called me son or boy. Called me by real name. Only spanked me once when I sassed my mother and got on me once for smoking grapevine in the bathroom. Otherwise, I never remember an angry word from him - always encouraging. Died two years after my mother died when I was 17. He was a good dad.

If he got bit by any sort of bug-“I hope you go to hell with ‘yer back broke” lol

I'm going fishing(or hunting) in the morning. Have your [censored] together & be ready if you want to go.

When they were passing out brains you thought they said trains and said I already got some

Buy the biggest motor they make. You can never have too much motor.

“Son, if you’re good everybody’s going to know it. You won’t have to tell them!”
Thanks dad.

Boy, you're about as useless at t!ts on a bull.
Was my stepdad and we had a troubled relationship when I was young.

Ditto. Now I have a chitload from my pawpaw that will have me sent to the wall. But one that won’t get me sent and has stuck with me.

It don’t matter how much money you make it will take it all. And boy was he right.