You know the old guy that always has a witty reply? Example: That's higher than a giraffes a$$. (Expensive). Busier than a one legged hooker working both sides of the road. Etc... Let's compile them here. Share your favorites!

Sweatin worse than Mike Tyson at a spelling bee

"luckier than a two-peckured goat".......I think this originated from somebody describing awbarn's football team.....

Katlynn had one I enjoyed, "Cant's get replaced with cans and wont's get whipped to will's."

I'm not f***ing this cat, I'm just holding the tail.

Fish and visitors stink after three days.
Golf: A good walk ruined
That guy has delusions of adequacy
He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends
I’ve suffered a great many catastrophies in my life. Most of them never happened
Love is blind but not the neighbors
Life’s hard; get a helmet.
A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it’s not worth it.

Hotter than a freshed f ***ed goat in a pepper patch.

she would bang a bush if she thought a snake was in it

"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."-Gregory House



"Putting up with irrationality is the foundation of every relationship"-James Wilson

No one is getting out of here alive.

MO

“You talk to God, you’re religious; God talks to you, you’re psychotic.”

Right before my grandpa had arthritis surgery on his hands he asked his doctor if he would be able to play piano after the surgery. When the doctor said yes, my gramps replied, "Great! Cause I couldn't play before."

Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.

60 percent of the time it works every time

After a long night of drinking.
" Im more effed up than Biden's checkbook"