What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?







Same middle name.

What's the guys name sitting on the front porch with no arms and no legs.

Matt

Cedric the Entertainer, Jack the ripper .......Dan the Man

And his brother with no arms and no legs in the sink is....... Duane

It was all so different before everything changed.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

What is a ducks favorite drug?


Quack

First female president.



The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States, and she is from Oklahoma!



A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father back in Oklahoma and asks, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"



"I don't think so. It's a long drive; your mom isn't as young as she used to be, we'll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee."



"Don't worry about it, Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door," she said. Dad says,"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"



"OH, Dad," she replied, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in N.Y."



"Honey, Dad complained, "You know we can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."



The President-elect responded, "Don't worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. And I'll ensure your meals are salt-free."



So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on Jan. 20th arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States. The parents of the new President are seated in the front row.



The President's dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, "You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, being sworn in? The Senator whispered in reply, "Yes, sir, I sure do."



Dad says proudly, "Her brother played football for Oklahoma!

What did Jeffery Dahmer ask Loraina Bobbet ?









Hey,You gonna eat that?

OK.. that made me laugh.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?





An irrelephant.

Don�t spoil them Bill!

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

Fo drizzle

Mr.Cast,I still think your jokes are better. Dang that was easier to say than I thought it would be.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs!

That one�s dedicated to Derek...

Why was the toilet paper not able to cross the road?




It got stuck in a crack.