Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head!

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Four Men go golfing, the first man says that he will pick up the green fees and meet the rest of them at the first hole.
Down at the first hole one man speaks up and say's "My son is so rich and so successful, as a new home builder that he gave a friend a new home for free"

The second man, not to be out done said " My son is a multi line car dealer he is so rich and so successful that he gave a friend 2 Cadillac's for free"

The third man, said " My son is in the stock market, he is so rich that he supplied a friend of his a whole stock portfolio for free"

The forth man returns from paying the green fee's, and the first man said "We are talking about our boys how's yours doing?"

"Not so well I afraid, turns out he's gay. However, he must be good, his last three boyfriends gave him a house, 2 cars and a stock portfolio."

How many used car salesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

I can't say for certain until I've spoken to the manager, but I
think you'll be very happy...

A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."

What do you call a Little Person Psychic who just committed a crime?

A Small Medium at Large

A three legged dog walks into a Saloon. The barkeep asks him

"What are you doing in these parts stranger?"

The dog replies "I'm lookin for the man that shot my Paw"