texasfishingforum.com logo
Main Menu
Advertisement
Affiliates
Advertisement
Newest Members
Bryan Nguyen, Kingnutin, elisepeda, 603bass, MDWesttex
109176 Registered Users
Top Posters(All Time)
TexDawg 90,006
hopalong 78,902
Pilothawk 77,385
John175ģ 69,694
JDavis7873ģ 67,392
Derek 🐝 61,601
Tritonman 58,357
LoneStarSonģ 54,784
Mark Perry 54,429
facebook
Forum Statistics
Forums60
Topics775,373
Posts12,976,205
Members109,176
Most Online36,273
Jan 23rd, 2013
Print Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
Ok, Iíve had quite enough! #12826076
07/12/18 08:52 PM
07/12/18 08:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
I just switched to SirriusXM. HAD ENOUGH of that hot mess. Itís 0Beer30.

Somebody tell me a joke I havenít heard before.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826084
07/12/18 08:57 PM
07/12/18 08:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,630
S
swalker9513 Offline
TFF Celebrity
swalker9513  Offline
TFF Celebrity
S

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,630
Two penguins walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Waddle it be, boys?"




www.wildcranks.com or find them at Fun-N-Sun in Hurst.
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826085
07/12/18 08:57 PM
07/12/18 08:57 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
A blonde chick gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she asks.

'Yes,' he replies.

'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.

'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde..

The boy looks at her incredulously and says: "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826088
07/12/18 08:58 PM
07/12/18 08:58 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
What is the most effective way to remember your wifeís birthday? Forget it once.


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826089
07/12/18 08:58 PM
07/12/18 08:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,740
Bremond, Tx.
I
Icepickģ Online content
TFF Guru
Icepickģ  Online Content
TFF Guru
I

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,740
Bremond, Tx.
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A blonde chick gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she asks.

'Yes,' he replies.

'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.

'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde..

The boy looks at her incredulously and says: "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!


clap


This thread needs more cowbell ...


Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Icepickģ] #12826090
07/12/18 08:59 PM
07/12/18 08:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,630
S
swalker9513 Offline
TFF Celebrity
swalker9513  Offline
TFF Celebrity
S

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,630
Originally Posted By: Icepickģ
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A blonde chick gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she asks.

'Yes,' he replies.

'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.

'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde..

The boy looks at her incredulously and says: "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!


clap


It's funny because it's about kickball.




www.wildcranks.com or find them at Fun-N-Sun in Hurst.
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826091
07/12/18 09:00 PM
07/12/18 09:00 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Huckleberry  Offline
TFF Guru

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
How did Hitler tie his shoesies? With little knotsies!

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826092
07/12/18 09:01 PM
07/12/18 09:01 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Huckleberry  Offline
TFF Guru

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzle.

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826094
07/12/18 09:01 PM
07/12/18 09:01 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
i hate mowing the lawn....

i wish it was emo so that it would cut itself


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826097
07/12/18 09:03 PM
07/12/18 09:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Huckleberry  Offline
TFF Guru

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826098
07/12/18 09:03 PM
07/12/18 09:03 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826101
07/12/18 09:06 PM
07/12/18 09:06 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He
eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the
panda stands up to go, the manager shouts,

"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay
for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager,

"Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda:

"A tree dwelling placental mammal of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826104
07/12/18 09:08 PM
07/12/18 09:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,899
The Mound
S
Sawhorse Online content
Extreme Angler
Sawhorse  Online Content
Extreme Angler
S

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,899
The Mound
What do you call a guy who constantly hangs around with musicians?

A drummer.

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826106
07/12/18 09:08 PM
07/12/18 09:08 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Damn! It may be time for me to retire!

The first three, in order -

A
A
A+

Great work fellas!

Now I will go crack that beer. After all, I got a great little gig today.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry] #12826110
07/12/18 09:11 PM
07/12/18 09:11 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
How did Hitler tie his shoesies? With little knotsies!


Iím grinning.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826111
07/12/18 09:11 PM
07/12/18 09:11 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
How many used car salesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

I can't say for certain until I've spoken to the manager, but I
think you'll be very happy...


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry] #12826112
07/12/18 09:12 PM
07/12/18 09:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzle.


WHOOSH!

What was that?


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826115
07/12/18 09:12 PM
07/12/18 09:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
i hate mowing the lawn....

i wish it was emo so that it would cut itself


Grin


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826117
07/12/18 09:13 PM
07/12/18 09:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Huckleberry  Offline
TFF Guru

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head!

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry] #12826118
07/12/18 09:13 PM
07/12/18 09:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.


Canít believe Iíve never heard it before.

GroanGrin


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826119
07/12/18 09:14 PM
07/12/18 09:14 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826121
07/12/18 09:15 PM
07/12/18 09:15 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.


Fail, please try again.

Great old joke though.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826122
07/12/18 09:16 PM
07/12/18 09:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He
eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the
panda stands up to go, the manager shouts,

"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay
for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager,

"Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda:

"A tree dwelling placental mammal of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."


Iím nodding my head as I type

A+


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826124
07/12/18 09:16 PM
07/12/18 09:16 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Sawhorse] #12826127
07/12/18 09:19 PM
07/12/18 09:19 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Sawhorse
What do you call a guy who constantly hangs around with musicians?

A drummer.


Close, but I wanted a Ďjokeí Iíve never heard. I get it but itís an inside joke.

No score, please try again.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826128
07/12/18 09:19 PM
07/12/18 09:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Huckleberry  Offline
TFF Guru

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,214
Lake Gaston, VA
Two men walked into a bar, but the third one ducked.

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826130
07/12/18 09:21 PM
07/12/18 09:21 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826131
07/12/18 09:22 PM
07/12/18 09:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 9,506
Pacifica, CA
sdavis24 Online happy
TFF Celebrity
sdavis24  Online Happy
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 9,506
Pacifica, CA
This thread is an abomination


Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826132
07/12/18 09:22 PM
07/12/18 09:22 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"


Fail. I want a joke Iíve never heard before.

Please try again.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826138
07/12/18 09:26 PM
07/12/18 09:26 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826143
07/12/18 09:28 PM
07/12/18 09:28 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
nethingthatbites  Offline
TFF Celebrity
N

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,425
here
Four Men go golfing, the first man says that he will pick up the green fees and meet the rest of them at the first hole.
Down at the first hole one man speaks up and say's "My son is so rich and so successful, as a new home builder that he gave a friend a new home for free"

The second man, not to be out done said " My son is a multi line car dealer he is so rich and so successful that he gave a friend 2 Cadillac's for free"

The third man, said " My son is in the stock market, he is so rich that he supplied a friend of his a whole stock portfolio for free"

The forth man returns from paying the green fee's, and the first man said "We are talking about our boys how's yours doing?"

"Not so well I afraid, turns out he's gay. However, he must be good, his last three boyfriends gave him a house, 2 cars and a stock portfolio."


MAGA
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry] #12826146
07/12/18 09:29 PM
07/12/18 09:29 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head!


GroanGrin but heard it before.

Please try again.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826147
07/12/18 09:31 PM
07/12/18 09:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


EYEROLL

Please try again


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826150
07/12/18 09:33 PM
07/12/18 09:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 5,410
East Texas
U
UGLYSHCTICK Offline
TFF Celebrity
UGLYSHCTICK  Offline
TFF Celebrity
U

Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 5,410
East Texas
Man goes to fish the river for the first time. He's on the east bank. doesn't catch anything. Lil ol woman on the other side is hauling in one after another. He goes back the next day decides he'll go to the other side and try his luck. Same deal he's catching nothing. Same lil ol woman is on the other side hauling them in left and right. So he decides to make his way over to see what her secret is. She proceeds to tell him each morning before she gets up, she raises the bed sheet. If her husbands manhood is laying on the left, she fishes on the left side of the river. If its on laying to right, she fishes on the right side of the river. So the guy trying to be funny ask "well what do you if its sticking straight up?" she winks at him and says "honey, I don't go fishing on those days."



Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826155
07/12/18 09:36 PM
07/12/18 09:36 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
Four Men go golfing, the first man says that he will pick up the green fees and meet the rest of them at the first hole.
Down at the first hole one man speaks up and say's "My son is so rich and so successful, as a new home builder that he gave a friend a new home for free"

The second man, not to be out done said " My son is a multi line car dealer he is so rich and so successful that he gave a friend 2 Cadillac's for free"

The third man, said " My son is in the stock market, he is so rich that he supplied a friend of his a whole stock portfolio for free"

The forth man returns from paying the green fee's, and the first man said "We are talking about our boys how's yours doing?"

"Not so well I afraid, turns out he's gay. However, he must be good, his last three boyfriends gave him a house, 2 cars and a stock portfolio."


I actually snorted.

A+


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826160
07/12/18 09:39 PM
07/12/18 09:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 100
TX Panhandle/Fritch
F
Flymeister Offline
Outdoorsman
Flymeister  Offline
Outdoorsman
F

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 100
TX Panhandle/Fritch
A father was walking his young son through the park when the boy notice two dogs engaged in sexual activity. The boy asked, ďdaddy what are they doingĒ? The dad promptly replied, ďwell son, theyíre making puppiesĒÖand the walk continued.

Unable to fall asleep that night, the boy wandered into dad and momís bedroom and they were engaged in sexual activity. ďMommy, daddyÖwhat are you doingĒ yelled the boy. Mom says, ďwell son, weíre making you a brother or a sisterĒ and the boy promptly replied, ďflip mommy over daddy, Iíd rather have a puppyĒ!

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826166
07/12/18 09:44 PM
07/12/18 09:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,210
lake bridgeport,tx USA
B
BridgeportGuide Offline
TFF Team Angler
BridgeportGuide  Offline
TFF Team Angler
B

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,210
lake bridgeport,tx USA
A three legged dog walks into a Saloon. The barkeep asks him

"What are you doing in these parts stranger?"

The dog replies "I'm lookin for the man that shot my Paw"

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826168
07/12/18 09:46 PM
07/12/18 09:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,210
lake bridgeport,tx USA
B
BridgeportGuide Offline
TFF Team Angler
BridgeportGuide  Offline
TFF Team Angler
B

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,210
lake bridgeport,tx USA
What do you call a Little Person Psychic who just committed a crime?

A Small Medium at Large

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826180
07/12/18 09:58 PM
07/12/18 09:58 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
How many used car salesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

I can't say for certain until I've spoken to the manager, but I
think you'll be very happy...


No


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826194
07/12/18 10:05 PM
07/12/18 10:05 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."


Ok

A+


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: BridgeportGuide] #12826199
07/12/18 10:07 PM
07/12/18 10:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: BridgeportGuide
What do you call a Little Person Psychic who just committed a crime?

A Small Medium at Large


No

Please try again


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: BridgeportGuide] #12826202
07/12/18 10:15 PM
07/12/18 10:15 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: BridgeportGuide
A three legged dog walks into a Saloon. The barkeep asks him

"What are you doing in these parts stranger?"

The dog replies "I'm lookin for the man that shot my Paw"


Ok. Dog joke!

A+


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826224
07/12/18 10:29 PM
07/12/18 10:29 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,214
Deep in the Heart of Texas
T
Texan Til I Die Offline
TFF Celebrity
Texan Til I Die  Offline
TFF Celebrity
T

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,214
Deep in the Heart of Texas
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


ďIf ever time should come, when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of its experienced patriots to prevent its ruin.Ē - Samuel Adams
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826227
07/12/18 10:33 PM
07/12/18 10:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,555
Richardson, TX
V
von rage Online content
Extreme Angler
von rage  Online Content
Extreme Angler
V

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,555
Richardson, TX
You heard about the insomniac agnostic dyslexic. He lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826234
07/12/18 10:37 PM
07/12/18 10:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,535
Carrollton
S
SlabWhisperer Online content
Extreme Angler
SlabWhisperer  Online Content
Extreme Angler
S

Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,535
Carrollton
A hillbilly in West Virginia gets a letter saying he needs to come to New York City, to a Legal firm, to sign some papers to receive an unexpected inheritance.
As he was leaving, his next door neighbor, an
elderly woman inquires as to where he is going.
He tells her, and she says, I have a son in NYC, and I haven't heard from him in a long time.
So, if you run into him, please ask him to call me. His name is John Dunn.
He assured her that he would.
After arriving in NYC, he took the subway downtown near to the Lawyers office he was to go to.
When coming up the stairs to ground level he noticed a large sign on the building across the street that said Dunn & Bradstreet.
So, he went into the building and up to the information desk and inquired, "You got a John here"?
The receptionist replied "Yes Sir", and pointing down the hallway, said "second door on the right."
So, the hillbilly goes there, and upon entering, notices that it's a Men's restroom.
There is a gentleman standing in front of one of the urinals, so he walks up to him and inquires, "Are you Dunn?"
The man replies, "Well, yeah"
And the hillbilly says "Call your Mother!"

Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Texan Til I Die] #12826265
07/12/18 11:04 PM
07/12/18 11:04 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Texan Til I Die
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


Hmmm

B+


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: von rage] #12826266
07/12/18 11:05 PM
07/12/18 11:05 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: von rage
You heard about the insomniac agnostic dyslexic. He lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.


Old joke

Please try again


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: SlabWhisperer] #12826270
07/12/18 11:09 PM
07/12/18 11:09 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: SlabWhisperer
A hillbilly in West Virginia gets a letter saying he needs to come to New York City, to a Legal firm, to sign some papers to receive an unexpected inheritance.
As he was leaving, his next door neighbor, an
elderly woman inquires as to where he is going.
He tells her, and she says, I have a son in NYC, and I haven't heard from him in a long time.
So, if you run into him, please ask him to call me. His name is John Dunn.
He assured her that he would.
After arriving in NYC, he took the subway downtown near to the Lawyers office he was to go to.
When coming up the stairs to ground level he noticed a large sign on the building across the street that said Dunn & Bradstreet.
So, he went into the building and up to the information desk and inquired, "You got a John here"?
The receptionist replied "Yes Sir", and pointing down the hallway, said "second door on the right."
So, the hillbilly goes there, and upon entering, notices that it's a Men's restroom.
There is a gentleman standing in front of one of the urinals, so he walks up to him and inquires, "Are you Dunn?"
The man replies, "Well, yeah"
And the hillbilly says "Call your Mother!"




Not bad at all.

A


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12827452
07/13/18 10:37 PM
07/13/18 10:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,601
Joshua, TX
S
SoonerDG Offline
Extreme Angler
SoonerDG  Offline
Extreme Angler
S

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,601
Joshua, TX
A woman looks out her window to see her new neighbors outside in their front yard.
It's an very hot day and the wife is mowing the front yard while the husband sits in the shade sipping his beer.
This infuriates the woman to see the man relaxing while his wife pushes the mower in the heat.
She decides to march over and give him a piece of her mind.
When she gets to him she screams at him "how can you live with yourself? You sit in the shade sipping your beer while your poor wife slaves behind the mower in the terrible heat! You should be HUNG!"
The man calmly takes a sip of his beer, wipes the froth from his upper lip, looks up at the woman and says:
"I am. That's why she mows the yard."


"Life is a matter of luck and the odds of success are in no way enhanced by extreme caution." - Erich Topp, German U-boat Commander, 1943.

When in doubt, set the hook.
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12827472
07/13/18 10:54 PM
07/13/18 10:54 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Saw it coming but never heard it before.

Very good. B+


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12827474
07/13/18 10:55 PM
07/13/18 10:55 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
Cast Online content OP
TFF Celebrity
Cast  Online Content OP
TFF Celebrity

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,684
North Texas - God's Country
I am. Would you like to mow the back?

Might work too.


Cast




I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12827633
07/14/18 12:59 AM
07/14/18 12:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,210
lake bridgeport,tx USA
B
BridgeportGuide Offline
TFF Team Angler
BridgeportGuide  Offline
TFF Team Angler
B

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,210
lake bridgeport,tx USA
My first car was a green Saab, it broke down on the way to prom. That's my Saab story.

Last edited by BridgeportGuide; 07/14/18 01:01 AM.
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread


© 1998-2018 OUTDOOR SITES NETWORK all rights reserved USA and Worldwide
UBB.threads™ 7.6.2