In all seriousness, its really not that difficult, especially with the smaller long nosed gar and spotted gar.
Tools: tin snips, sharp knife, hatchet or ax.
Steps:
1. Cut off head just behind gills with hatchet or ax.
2. Using tin snips, make a cut all the way down the back to the tail
3. Using tin snips make circular cut around tail
4. Using the sharp knife, begin separating the meat from the scales
5. You should end up with two pieces of meat resembling pork tenderloins.
6. You may cook these with your favorite fish recipe, the meat will have a firm texture and will not be flaky like most fish when it is cooked. If you catch your fish out of water with a high algae content(really green water) or a muddy water you may consider letting them swim around in a covered stock tank filled with clean, dechlorinated water for a few days.