texasfishingforum.com logo
Main Menu
Advertisement
Affiliates
Advertisement
Newest Members
TraeMartin, Power-Pole CS, T-Rigger, JoeGoes, EcKo
119150 Registered Users
Top Posters(All Time)
hopalong 120,565
TexDawg 119,511
Bigbob_FTW 94,879
John175☮ 85,892
Pilothawk 83,259
Bob Davis 81,478
Mark Perry 72,280
Derek 🐝 68,311
JDavis7873 67,416
Forum Statistics
Forums59
Topics1,037,806
Posts13,934,776
Members144,150
Most Online39,925
Dec 30th, 2023
Print Thread
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826111 07/12/18 09:11 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
Offline
TFF Celebrity
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
How many used car salesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

I can't say for certain until I've spoken to the manager, but I
think you'll be very happy...


MAGA
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry] #12826112 07/12/18 09:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzle.


WHOOSH!

What was that?


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826115 07/12/18 09:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
i hate mowing the lawn....

i wish it was emo so that it would cut itself


Grin


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826117 07/12/18 09:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,756
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,756
Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head!

Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry] #12826118 07/12/18 09:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.


Cant believe Ive never heard it before.

GroanGrin


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826119 07/12/18 09:14 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
Offline
TFF Celebrity
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"


MAGA
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826121 07/12/18 09:15 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.


Fail, please try again.

Great old joke though.


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826122 07/12/18 09:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He
eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the
panda stands up to go, the manager shouts,

"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay
for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager,

"Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda:

"A tree dwelling placental mammal of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."


Im nodding my head as I type

A+


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826124 07/12/18 09:16 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
Offline
TFF Celebrity
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."


MAGA
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Sawhorse] #12826127 07/12/18 09:19 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: Sawhorse
What do you call a guy who constantly hangs around with musicians?

A drummer.


Close, but I wanted a joke Ive never heard. I get it but its an inside joke.

No score, please try again.


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826128 07/12/18 09:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,756
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru
Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,756
Two men walked into a bar, but the third one ducked.

Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826130 07/12/18 09:21 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
Offline
TFF Celebrity
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"


MAGA
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826131 07/12/18 09:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 12,046
sdavis24 Offline
TFF Guru
Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 12,046
This thread is an abomination

Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites] #12826132 07/12/18 09:22 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Cast Offline OP
TFF Guru
OP Offline
TFF Guru
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 12,214
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"


Fail. I want a joke Ive never heard before.

Please try again.


Cast


[Linked Image]

I have a short attention spa
Re: Ok, Ive had quite enough! [Re: Cast] #12826138 07/12/18 09:26 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
N
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity
Offline
TFF Celebrity
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,702
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


MAGA
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4
Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread

© 1998-2022 OUTDOOR SITES NETWORK all rights reserved USA and Worldwide
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.3