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#12826111 - 07/12/18 04:11 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 7030
Loc: here
How many used car salesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

I can't say for certain until I've spoken to the manager, but I
think you'll be very happy...
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#12826112 - 07/12/18 04:12 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzle.


WHOOSH!

What was that?
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#12826115 - 07/12/18 04:12 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
i hate mowing the lawn....

i wish it was emo so that it would cut itself


Grin
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#12826117 - 07/12/18 04:13 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 18119
Loc: Lake Gaston, VA
Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head!

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#12826118 - 07/12/18 04:13 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Huckleberry]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Huckleberry
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.


Canít believe Iíve never heard it before.

GroanGrin
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#12826119 - 07/12/18 04:14 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 7030
Loc: here
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
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#12826121 - 07/12/18 04:15 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.


Fail, please try again.

Great old joke though.
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#12826122 - 07/12/18 04:16 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He
eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the
panda stands up to go, the manager shouts,

"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay
for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager,

"Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda:

"A tree dwelling placental mammal of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."


Iím nodding my head as I type

A+
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#12826124 - 07/12/18 04:16 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 7030
Loc: here
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
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#12826127 - 07/12/18 04:19 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Sawhorse]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: Sawhorse
What do you call a guy who constantly hangs around with musicians?

A drummer.


Close, but I wanted a Ďjokeí Iíve never heard. I get it but itís an inside joke.

No score, please try again.
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#12826128 - 07/12/18 04:19 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
Huckleberry Offline
TFF Guru

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 18119
Loc: Lake Gaston, VA
Two men walked into a bar, but the third one ducked.

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#12826130 - 07/12/18 04:21 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 7030
Loc: here
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
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#12826131 - 07/12/18 04:22 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
sdavis24 Online   happy
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 9462
Loc: Pacifica, CA
This thread is an abomination
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#12826132 - 07/12/18 04:22 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: nethingthatbites]
Cast Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 07/31/12
Posts: 9336
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: nethingthatbites
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"


Fail. I want a joke Iíve never heard before.

Please try again.
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#12826138 - 07/12/18 04:26 PM Re: Ok, Iíve had quite enough! [Re: Cast]
nethingthatbites Offline
TFF Celebrity

Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 7030
Loc: here
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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