Does the Pope wear a white hat?

Does a bear s _ _ t in the woods?

Does a frog have a water proof A hole?

More nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

What are some of yours?

We just played this game a few weeks ago


http://texasfishingforum.com/forums/ubbthreads.php/topics/12445733/1

I expected that would show up directly.

Deja vu

Well, sorry about repeating a previous post.

I just thought you might get a kick out of some of them. There were some good ones listed

Just go back and add Ver. 2.0 to the end of your thread title and there you go!

I've never heard the one about a frog have a water proof A hole. There is the story about the girl and the 2x4, but I'd better not post it.

Would you be happier if I just shut the f up and went away?
I sure get that feeling. I used to have fun in here but not so much lately.

As easy as putting socks on a rooster.

Like sands through an hour glass, so are the days of our lives.

#1----Yep

#2---- Post count

I'm madder than a rained-on rooster.

Busier than a cranberry merchant, never understood that one but my dad said it all the time.

Month of Sunday's, from here to Midland, I do hear a miss statement "I don't have a dog in this hunt" when it should be "I don't have a dog in this fight".

Colder than a well diggers a#* in the Klondike

Hog in the wall

Don't like your calf twice

Lol

Harder than a ministers ....

Pops you just stick around as long as you want

"Rainin' like a cow pissin on a flat rock." And " krouts sure know how to break a heater". ( grandpa was 82nd airborne at the battle of the bulge and always would say this when it got cold)

Piddlefart

Busier than a one legged man in a azz kickin contest

I liked the frog Uranus part. Never really thought about it much...till now.

General Hospital was better. Sam and Brenda were so hot. Robin was hot too. But I think she got The AIDS.

General Hospital is the soap opera for women. Real men watch Days.

Victor Newman might have something to say about that.

Oops
Apologies to all.

Useless as a pair of pants with no pockets

useless as tits on a boar hog

Broker than a stepped on cracker.

When all you gots is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

My Grandpa used to say
"Put wood in hole"

It means, close the door.

He was from Yorkshire, England; so it sounded like "Put, wud n ole"

He also liked to say, "Ur ed is a bettah wol than a winda"

Translation "Your head is a better wall than a window"---Move, you're blocking my view of the television.

He's more f'd up than a _____ checkbook.

You can fill in the blank however you please wouldn't want to start a controversy on here lol

Worthless as a milk bucket under a bull.

That'll make a [censored] ant pull a freight train

Tighter than ____ hat band

Rode hard & put up wet

"He's crookeder that a barrelful of hog peters"

"Where's so and so? " "He went out in the woods to shiite and the hogs ate 'em."

tighter than d's hat band
tighter than tree bark
look out now

she was finer than frog hair split three ways

Don't mess with Texas

Fun as trying to baptize a cat

Two things I recall my Dad saying:

"That ain't no hill for a stepper".
and "Hoot Nanny"....someone explain that one.

slicker than owl s

Does a fat cat fart?

It takes cat fur to make kitten britches.

Boy howdy, my best friend used that all the time,

"His cornbread aint quite done in the middle"
"Louder than a pig squealing for supper"

Did you have fun? Bout as much fun as poking sandburs up a wildcat's a--!

That ole boys about a half a bubble off plumb.

Yo mama is so ugly that she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it.

"quicker than a gar can skin a minner"
"ugly enough to stop an eight day clock".....

People were so dumb

slicker than deer guts on a door knob

he/she fell out of an ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down

you ain't gotta go home, but ya caint stay here

"In for a penny, in for a pound"

He is as full of schidt as a hackhorse

My sister used to say, That's Incredible a lot. I asked her one day why she said it so often. Her reply was, " It's more Lady like than saying Thats Bull S*#$t"

Found you a job. Doing what? Whittling a$$ holes for hobby horses!

"I heard that!"

"Cuter then a specked pup come spring time"

"Cuter the a boll of cotton rolling under a barbed wire fence"

Shat fire and save the matches

Easy as shooting fish in a barrel

Wet behind the ears

He's half a bubble off plumb.
He's three fries short of a Happy Meal.
He doesn't have both oars in the water.

My dad would say Cant see thru muddy water.. when we would sit in front of the tv

Slicker than snot on glass door knob

not the sharpest tool in the tool shed

Life is like a box of chocolates never know what your gonna get!!

One brick shy of a full load.

His elevator don't go all the way to the top.

Your brain is like a pea rattling around in a box car.

I see said the blind man to his deaf wife that is clear as mud.

Got his nose stuck so far up in the air he drowns when it rains.

Like John Wayne toilet paper, tougher than a cob and don't take carp off nobody.

Katy bar the door.

Dumber than a box of rocks

Porch lights on, ain't nobody home

My dad had quite an assortment.
some of the more memorable ones were:
when some major mess was involved - Scattered out like a wild women's chit in the moonlight.
when us kids were making a lot of racket - Come through here bellering like a bull ape in mating season.

From one of my first real job bosses who was a degreed engineer from A & M, worked at the Ford plant on Grand Ave,
and had won an award and a free car for coming up with the XLT truck package idea. But he grew up on a farm in Mexia and never forgot his roots or a sense of humor...

For something that smelled really ripe - That would run a bulldog off a tub of guts.
Similar but for different occasions - stronger than stud horse pizz with the foam farted off.
For a smashed finger - throbbing like a mocking birds azz in July.
for various things that were stuck like bolts and such - tighter than a bull's azz in fly time.
many more too numerous to list.

Colder than a well diggers a@@hole

Spit on those new shoes.
Shackeing like a dog S'ng peach seed.
Srcemming like a man on the wrong train.

Your brain is so small, if I laid it on a sharp edge of a razor blade it would look like a bb on a four lane high way.

Smoke them if you have them.

It�s gonna come a turd floater

Or "Sniffing farts out of seatcovers!"

Does the tin man have a sheet metal C*** ?

Sweating like a whore in church.

He�s so dumb he couldn�t pour p*** out of a boot with instructions on the bottom.

He couldn�t play dead in a western.

I could put these on here all day

The problem is that I don't even think about them until they fall out of my mouth.

Speaking from experience, don't say "Like a cow staring at a new fence" in front of foreigners unless you really want some funny looks.

Or �big hat and no cattle�

You think you are hot sh___t?
You are just a wot---- warmed over turd.

Always heard this one "with the instructions on the heel." Got in trouble one time when it fell out of my mouth at somebody.

Dumber than a bucket of cat hair

Its all muscle, every flabby inch of it.

A mini HAHA from me to those that said this was a repeat post from a few weeks ago which gave me the impression I was less than intelligent in starting the post. Four pages of replies seems a fairly successfull to me.

Shinning like a new dime on a goats a$$ on a full moon night...

�Son, you could screw up a rock fight�
�Son, you could tear up a ball bearing with a feather.�
�Well eat matches and poop fire.�
�I�ve seen better hands on a snake.�.. every time I would drop something

That boy hasn't got the sense of a mare mule colt.
You could look him in his eyes and tell there wasn't no one home. And hadn't been for quite some time.
Slicker than possum p on a pump handle.
Standing there like a calf staring at a new gate.
Feel like I've been rode hard and put up wet.
Hotter than two rats going at it in a wool sock.

"Hey look, it's the super bowl champs Dallas Cowboys"

That's a good one! been quite a few years but good lordy that was a fun thing when it was true way back when those happened - every one of them! Now it definitely qualifies as a Folksy old saying you almost never hear. LOL

Heard another one today . Trying to finagle getting around other trades cuz we're working on top of each other when .... We see big crane driving and says he needs to get in this tiny space and he's going to block everyone's path . I ask his spotter" is that thing even Gona fit ?" He responds " yup, like socks on a rooster .."

Socks? Roosters? I was confused cuz he was quick to respond with it either way it was funny

Slicker than owl chit.
If Paragoric was brains ,he would'nt have enough to stops the chits on a rag doll.

My dad used to say he had worse cuts on his eyeball anytime someone got stitches.

"I've had a worse cut on my lip and never quit whistlin'"

Let's don't and say we did....

Not

Smoke �em if you got �em, get one from your buddy if you don�t

You can't make peanut butter out of pure s**t.

My great uncle used to say"You can hear money a jingling and meat a frying, but that don't mean you are going to get paid or get to eat."

"Wanna shine my belt buckle ?"